My fellow British subjects, with the upcoming Parliamentary elections, we feel it our duty to warn you that a vote for Mr. Winston Churchill would not only be unwise, it would be positively immoral. Indeed, regarding Clement Attlee’s famous statement that Mr. Churchill is “fifty per cent genius, fifty per cent bloody fool”, we can only say we feel she is fifty per cent too charitable to this pathetic excuse for a man, as we shall presently explain. This is 1943, after all. We deserve a perfect candidate, an anointed leader we can truly look up to.*
Churchill: The Immoral Choice
Now we admit, it’s true we are in the middle of a World War, and the Nazis have been rather busy destroying the edifices of our civilization with their assaults on the rule of law, human rights, Christianity and personal freedom, particularly against the rights of one particular ethnicity and religion. One might even be tempted to settle for someone of less than perfect morals who has allied himself with the conservatives against such a foe. But we want to stress that you should vote on your principles, not necessarily electability. It does not matter that the Nazis will probably win the war without Churchill’s leadership. Winston Churchill cannot be your choice for Prime Minister.
Churchill is an Incorrigible Misogynist
Churchill has repeatedly spoken in the most insensitive tones against his female opponents like Lady Astor. When she pointed out that he was drunk one evening, he admitted the fact, saying, “Yes, Madame, I am drunk. But in the morning, I will be sober, but you will still be ugly.”
And who can forget the terrible tale: when seated next to a Methodist minister, Churchill accepted an offered sherry from an attractive young waitress. The minister refused, saying “I’d rather commit adultery than accept the smallest sip of alcohol.” As the waitress left, Churchill insensitively responded, “Wait, young miss! Come back! I wasn’t told we were offered a choice!” How anyone could vote for the poltroon capable of such ill-advised speech that must certainly have made the waitress feel extremely uncomfortable, is beyond our understanding.
Churchill is a Drunk
Mr Churchill is legendary in the pubs and drinking establishments of our country to have imbibed in drunken overindulgence time and time again. His alcoholic misdeeds are all too well-known, and set a poor example in a nation like this that suffers from an approximately 50% rate of alcoholism. How could you vote for such a man, my fellow Britons!? Does not the Holy Writ say quite clearly, “Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (One Corinthians 6:10) You cannot support, admire or condone this obese hellion, or anyone guilty of any of the items on the above list. Churchill is clearly of the devil, and as a result of his immoral lifestyle is completely incapable of doing any good for the British Empire!
Churchill is a War Criminal
Churchill has advocated for the worst kinds of war atrocities, taking the battle away from the soldiers, and instead targeting their families, the civilian population. We now know that Mr Churchill, and not Mr Hitler, initiated bombing civilians in the current World War, a practice clearly denounced by all classical Christian War theorists. He approved the destruction of the city of Dresden by the unnecessarily brutal means of creating a firestorm that literally sucked the Oxygen out of the city and suffocated all of its 135,000 civilian inhabitants. This kind of atrocity was completely unnecessary, and unworthy of the man. He has forever marred his legacy, making it impossible that anyone could, some time in the future, admire his leadership, despite his failings.
Churchill is a Racist
Although Mr Churchill claims to be against Mr Hitler’s evil eugenicist schemes, he has an history of racist comments himself, such as this one speaking of our cousins across the pond, the Americans, and the American Indians:
“I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race has come in and taken their place.”
Mr Churchill demonstrates his inexcusable racism with such a comment that makes it clear no self-respecting Englishman can give him the vote.
Churchill is a Turncoat
Sure, Mr Churchill claims to be a conservative Torie today, but not so long ago, it is common knowledge he was an exsanguinating liberal! “I am an English Liberal. I hate the Tory Party, their men, their words and their methods.” So said Winston Churchill in 1903. As those of us who have read the Divine Comedy know, the lowest level of Hell is reserved for those who betray their principles. How can we trust anything Churchill says given his liberal past? Sure, Churchill says he stands against the Nazis and their misguided crusade against all that is good and decent, but since he himself once was a liberal, and a socialist, it is difficult to tell what his principles are, if he has any.
Yes, there he is with his hussy of a wife, with the audacity to show her shoulders off in a photograph! What scandalous attire! On this basis alone, consorting with such a woman, who believes that society accepts such clothing (or lack thereof) adorning the female sex, Mr. Churchill should be disbarred from your consideration as a candidate, gentle readers. Imagine having such a low and ignoble First Lady of our proud island empire. Perish the thought!
In conclusion, three things I hope I have explained:
- There is absolutely no justification for voting Winston in the upcoming elections.
- If Churchill becomes the Torie nominee anyway, it’s morally acceptable to write-in someone else, even if they have no reasonable hope of winning. Even if, by some means, the rest of Britain had made its preference for Churchill clear.
- You should vote on your principles, not necessarily electability. Even if it means we lose the British Empire to the Nazis.
The saga continues…
Trump is a Chump (Herzog), Donald Trump is Winning as an Answer to Socialism (Marshall), Is Building a Wall Unchristian? (Marshall), Trumpageddon: Be Not Afraid (Lee), Oh No, Not Another Trump Article! (Yours truly), A Cruz Article, For Once! (Augustine), Derailing the Trump Train (Stover and Urban), How Do the 7 Swing States Work in the Trump/Cruz Battle? (Marshall), Yet Another Trump Article! (Yours truly), Trump: The Immoral Choice (Herzog), 2020: Hillary’s America (Augustine) #NeverChurchill (Yours truly)
*Churchill, on being asked about ending sentences with prepositions: “That is a travesty of grammar up with which I shall not put!”
If you disliked this article, there’s no reason to believe you wouldn’t like my theology blog, Defense for the Hope.